Have you ever wondered what it would be like if journalists could travel back to classical Greece – or to the age of the early Church Fathers, or to the founding of our country – and report the deeds of antiquity as if they happened yesterday? It would be like the Peloponnesian Press!
Each story from the Peloponnesian Press has at its core a quote from an important primary source, which we present in the setting of a witty news report. Following each story is a straight-faced reflection on the quote, along with several questions to prompt further consideration.
BREAKING NEWS
Little Hans Receives Letter from Father, Martin Luther
WITTENBERG, GERMANY — Last Thursday, Hans Luther, four-year-old son of Dr. Martin Luther, received a special letter from his father. Hans’ tutor, Jerome Weller, had written to Dr. Luther to inform him of his son’s good progress in his lessons. In response, Dr. Luther wrote the following to Hans: GRACE and peace in Christ, my dear …
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Egyptian Man Parades Coffin at Dinner Party
MEMPHIS, EGYPT — Our field correspondent Herodotus, always looking to save us some money by inviting himself to parties instead of racking up receipts at the agora, recently attended a gathering at the home of a certain Egyptian man named Garai. The meal being concluded and the guests fully sated, the time came for the after …
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A Recent Symposium on “Love”
ATHENS, HELLAS – Greeks (I forget myself – “Hellenes”), all y’all need to get your head out of the collective wine-bowl. On second thought, don’t – that would actually make the problem worse. The problem is, Hellas, you’ve forgotten how to drink. What happened? It wasn’t so long ago that your faithful correspondent was able to spend …
Libyan Tribe Declares War on Wind
ISCINA, LIBYA — Our field correspondent Herodotus has sent word of a most intriguing story. Last Wednesday he was supping with some Nasamonians, and inbetween bites of mutton and couscous one of them related the following tale: And adjacent to the Nasamonians are the Psylli. They utterly perished in the following manner: The south wind had …
Local Thief Bites Mother
MESAMBRIA, THRACE — The place of execution offered more than the usual excitement this past Friday as a young man, dripping red at the mouth, loudly berated his mother before going to his death. She stood nearby, and eyewitnesses noted that she appeared to be bleeding from the side of the head. The bewildered crowd did not know …
Chrysostom Exposes Parental Absurdity
ANTIOCH, SYRIA — After expounding 1 Timothy 2:11-15, Pastor John Chrysostom concluded today’s sermon with an exhortation to parents. During these words the Golden Church echoed with the sound of fathers tearing their clothes, mothers wailing loudly, and dull thuds as people smacked themselves in the forehead. “We have a great trust given to us in children. Let us take …